


Fine Again

by elounarry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, Protective Harry, Sexual Content, mentions of rape/non con, probs ooc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-06
Updated: 2014-04-06
Packaged: 2018-01-18 08:30:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1421554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elounarry/pseuds/elounarry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Niall gets raped by Justin Bieber he has to work on getting his life back together. Thankfully Harry’s there every step of the way. Except he doesn’t expect it to end the way it does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fine Again

The air in the cabin feels dry. Like no matter how much oxygen and AC is flowing, Niall can’t get a big enough breath. Normally he can handle the tiny room in the back of the private jet, but right now it’s just too small. Niall can’t get himself to leave though. He doesn’t want to be in the presence of his body guard. 'What’s wrong?' and 'what happened?' hanging in the air since the car ride to the airport. Niall won’t tell him, he doesn’t think he can, but he might just break down crying again.

Niall looks out the window, into the dark Atlantic. He can feel the familiar sting behind his eyes for what seems like the hundredth time that day. Just when he thought he had run out of tears they would come again. He feels embarrassed, ashamed, used, dirty, he doesn’t know how he’s going to go back home, back into Harry’s arms, and act as if nothing happened. Act as though Justin didn’t touch him. His skin itches at the memory, the feeling of Justin on top of him, hands roaming over the skin of his thighs, his chest, his shoulders, the burning stretch as he entered him. Justin’s grunts and moans were louder in his ear than any arena filled with screaming girls. Niall let out a sob thinking of all the things Justin said to him.

_“Just this one time."_

_“It’s okay.”_

_“We don’t have to tell anyone else.”_

_“Please let me do this.”_

Niall doesn’t understand. He asked him to stop, begged Justin to release the tight grip he had in his wrists. Told him it hurt, cried out in pain. But he didn’t stop.

_“God, you’re so pretty.”_

_“You feel so good.”_

_“You don’t know what you do to me.”_

He didn’t even wear a condom. God knows who else Justin’s slept with. Niall thinks he can still feel the cum inside of him, now dried.

He puts his face in hands, lying down on the bed so he’s on his side. The only man Niall had ever slept with before was Harry. He was his first everything with another guy. Every touch, kiss, and caress was special to Niall, and now the thought of it makes him nauseous. He feels ruined. Justin forcefully took his body and now it doesn’t belong to just Harry anymore.

Niall can feel the exhaustion of day finally taking its toll on his body and mind, and he lets himself drift off into sleep.

—-

Niall wakes to the sound of banging on the other side if the door. He waits a few seconds, shaking the sleep off when he finally gets up and answers it. It’s his body guard telling him he needs to come out and buckle up for landing, concern still written on his face even after a twelve hours of flying. As Niall steps out he catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror in the room. His eyes are puffy, blood shot, has dark circles underneath, and his face paler than normal.

After getting off the plane he tries his best to keep his head down and the bill of his snapback low while walking through the terminal, his Ray bans in place to hide his eyes. It’s around 6 in the afternoon at the airport and he wants to avoid any sort of recognition. Fortunately for him he’s allowed to take a more secret, private hallway that leads to a different entrance. One with less foot traffic and the one Harry's going to pick him up at.

Harry comes into view and he’s taking pictures with some fans. Niall can’t help but smile a little.

The girls don’t notice him, so by the time he gets there they’ve left. He’s not in the mood for pictures anyway.

Being in public they can’t greet each other the way they want so they give each other a slight nod while Harry puts Niall’s luggage in the back of the Range Rover.

“That was quick,” Harry says as he sits in the driver’s seat.

“Umm, yeah. He, uh, was just feeling a bit lonely, I guess. Wanted company for a few hours…” Niall hopes Harry doesn’t hear the shakiness in his voice.

“He asked you to fly all the way out to LA because he was lonely? He has closer friends, I’m sure.”

Niall just shrugs. There’s silence for a few more seconds. “Soooo…I missed you,” Niall glances over to see Harry smiling at him, only for a second before putting his eyes back on the road.

“I missed you, too,” Niall chokes out before he starts crying.

“Oh! Niall,” Harry huffs out a laugh. “It’s alright, love, I’m here,” when Niall feels a hand on his thigh he jumps. Harry retracts his hand quickly.

When Harry speaks again he’s not smiling. “Are you alright?”

_No._

“Yeah. I’m just…tired. From flying and everything. And I haven’t eaten in a while.” Niall sniffles as he wipes his tears with the sleeve of his jumper. He feels horrible for lying to Harry but the truth would be so much worse. There’d be no point. It’s not like Justin would get in trouble. His management would pay off Niall’s management and then Niall would have to sign papers telling him to keep his mouth shut. Even if it did get out, it would ruin Justin’s career. Possibly his own and four others. He couldn’t do that to them, it wouldn’t be fair. Plus all the fans would hate him and blame him for their downfall and he doesn’t think he can handle that. He already blames himself for letting this happen to him, he doesn’t need it thrown back to his face.

Niall looks at his right hand that Harry had linked with his left, then up to Harry’s face. There’s a slight frown in the corner of his mouth and his brows are faintly furrowed. He knows Harry’s concerned for him and it makes him feel even worse that he's the cause. He releases a heavy sigh and lays his head back on the head rest, closing his eyes. Maybe he should tell Harry. When they first got together Harry told him the one thing he appreciated most was honesty. He squirms in his seat and takes in a deep, uneven breath.

“Ha—”

“What did you want for dinner?” Niall lets out the breath he was holding, courage suddenly gone. He can’t help but feel relieved at the same time. He would wait for a better time.

Being lost in his thoughts, Niall didn’t realize that they had already made it home.

“Since you haven’t eaten all day I’m sure you’re hungry,” Harry’s voice is calm and he has a soft look on his face, their hands still linked. They haven’t moved from the car yet that’s parked in the garage and Niall can hear small sounds coming from the engine.

“Um, spaghetti?” Niall says.

“Yeah, that’ll be good,” Harry leans over and pecks Niall on the lips, catching him by surprise. “I’ll get your things out of the back.”

Niall’s heartbeat quickens. He suddenly feels the phantom weight of Justin’s tongue in his mouth. Niall makes an exasperated sound in the back of his throat, trying to shake away the memory. It was in the past. It happened in the past. Why couldn’t he just rid himself of these awful feelings? It was like his claustrophobia all over again.

Wandering into an abandoned house with Sean in the rural fields of Mullingar and getting caught in the rubble of a collapsed basement has left him feeling short of breath anytime a space got too tight. It took an hour for Sean to go get help, come back, and then finally pull him from the old rocks and floorboards. At fifteen he had a panic attack in a haunted house. He could swear the walls had been closing in on him.

Is this how he was going to feel for the rest of his life? Too scared to get intimate with Harry, panicked when his hand goes too far up Niall’s thigh? Harry couldn’t even kiss him without that pit of dread sitting in his stomach.

His car door opens. Harry has his luggage in one hand and the other outstretched, waiting for Niall to take it. Niall reaches out, the corner of his lips turned upwards just the tiniest bit. He really was lucky to have Harry. Someone who cares so much about him, makes him breakfast in bed, lets him pick out the movie, carries him home when he’s too drunk.

Someone who protects him, makes sure he’s safe, said he would hurt anyone who hurt Niall.

And the guilt was back.

—-

Niall showers while Harry makes dinner. His skin’s red and raw from scratching, trying to rid of the grime that feels embedded. He thought a shower would make him feel better and wash away the touch of Justin’s fingertips, when really everything feels worse. Too much silence and loneliness to think over what happened, every thought making him scrub harder. He stops when he hears knocking.

“Dinner’s ready,” says Harry through the door.

It’s then Niall realizes show long he’d been in the shower. The water’s now cold, his fingernails slightly blue, and there’s goosebumps scattered across his skin.

“Alright,” Niall finds his voice then turns off the shower. He pulls back the curtain and grabs a towel, wrapping it around his waist. The mist of the bathroom has faded and Niall gets a good look at his reflection in the mirror. Paler than earlier and somehow the circles under his eyes got darker. He looks sad. Broken. No wonder Harry looked at him the way he did once they got to their bedroom. It was the first time he looked at Niall properly without sunglasses and there was good lighting. Harry kissed his forehead, hand resting on Niall’s cheek, letting it linger for few seconds before stepping back. Niall hadn’t lifted his gaze from the carpet then Harry walked out without a word.

Niall dresses in sweats, a t-shirt, and adds a zip up hoodie when he notices the angry red lines he caused.

They eat in silence on their living room couch while watching the telly. Harry tries to start small talk, but Niall only responds with nods and shrugs. He is hungry and usually ate like it was his last meal, but this time his bites are small and the noodles get pushed around by his fork more than anything.

“Okay,” Niall hears Harry say as his plate is being taken out of his hand and set on the coffee table in front of him and the telly turned off. Harry’s now facing him on the couch; left leg on the ground, his right leg pulled up with his hands in his lap. Niall inhales deeply. He knows what’s coming. 20 questions. He thought maybe Harry would leave it alone but in the back of his mind he knew Harry wouldn’t walk away from this. He keeps his eyes on the ground in front of him.

Harry starts, “You have not been acting like yourself since you got home. I know you’re tired and you’ve had a long flight, but I know you. I know how are you are and this isn’t normal.” His voice softens. “Did something happen in America?”

This is it. Niall can tell him now. Tell him everything, but he can’t get his voice to work. He just nods.

“Did you two fight?”

Niall shakes his head.

“Did he say something to you?”

Another shake.

There’s hesitance in Harry’s voice, “Did he do something to you?”

A nod.

Harry’s voice is trembling now, “Did he hit you?”

Niall knows what he wants to ask, what he really wants answered and that Harry’s avoiding it so he wouldn’t be right. A shake.

Harry brings his body closer to Niall, knees touching his thighs, a larger hand grasping his smaller one. He can hear Harry’s labored breath.

“Niall, I need you to be honest with me. Did he try to—” Harry audibly swallows the lump in his throat, “umm did he…force himself on you?”

Niall cries out. He brings his hands up to his face and lets the tears fall into them. He leans forward onto his knees, slightly rocking back and forth. Everything he’s been hiding from Harry is out now. He wants to tell Harry how sorry he is, sorry that he let this happen, but the only sounds he can form are sobs. He feels Harry’s long arms wrap around him and pull him close to his chest. The scent and feel of Harry calms him down just enough for him to look up, gauging Harry’s reaction. His head’s still on Niall’s shoulder but when he feels Niall move, leans back himself. His eyes are rimmed red with faint tear tracks down his cheeks.

Niall looks into his lap, “I’m sorry—”

“No,” Harry interrupts. “You have nothing to be sorry for. He shouldn’t have done that. He had no right to do that.” Niall can see in Harry’s face that he’s getting angry.

He can’t help but ask the questions that’s been nagging at him in the back of his mind, “So you’re not mad at me? You’re not going to…leave me?” His bottom lip wobbles at the thought of Harry walking out on him when he needs him most. Harry’s hands come up and gingerly grip the sides of Niall’s head, the look on his face sincere.

“I would never leave you. Especially at a time like this. I’m going to be here, okay? Right here, with you.” He leans down and kisses Niall’s forehead then rests them together. Niall can feel the tears threatening to fall again, but this time by being overwhelmed with happiness that Harry’s going to stay. With all the dread and gloominess that has been hanging over his head the thought of being happy seemed so foreign and distant.

Even after sleeping on the flight Niall can’t help when his eye lids droop. In a soft voice he says “Can we go to bed?”

“Yeah. Yeah, we can go to bed.”

—-

Niall thought it was lucky that his sleep on the flight was dreamless, and couldn’t help but think he was going to be plagued with nightmares that night. Instead he dreams of his and Harry’s first kiss.

Niall was sitting in one of the dressing rooms at the O2. It was their first show in Dublin for the Take Me Home tour and Niall couldn’t help the nerves that ate away at him. He’s played in Ireland before with his friends and family in attendance but for whatever reason there was an endless amount of knots in his stomach. He couldn’t even focus on anything enough to try and distract him.

His nervous foot tapping was interrupted with the door opening and Harry’s face poking in.

“There you are! The lads and I have been looking for you,” He stepped all the way into the room. “You alright?” he asked concerned. Niall looked up as Harry walked over to the couch he was occupying and sat himself down.

Niall hoped the redness in face wasn’t too visible. He’d been harboring a crush on the younger boy for a few months now and no matter how excruciating the whole “Haylor” experience was his feelings still remained. He knew Harry returning his feelings were slim to none, but with how much time they’d been spending together he couldn’t help but be smitten. He’d always admired Harry’s confidence and charisma and somehow ended falling into the trap millions of other girls seemed to. Just his presence in the same room made his knees weak and whenever he spoke to him he got tongue tied. And with spending every second of everyday together it never helped Niall’s case.

When Niall wanked to the image of Harry for the first time in the shower he knew he had it bad. He couldn’t help but be turned on by the thought of Harry’s larger body laying over his. He’d only ever been with girls before but the thought of giving himself completely to Harry sent him over the edge.

Harry was sitting next to him, leaning forward waiting for Niall to speak. Their knees were touching and it took a second for words to form in Niall’s mouth.

“I’m just, uh, nervous, I guess.” God, this dressing room was hot.

“Nervous? You’ve played here before, you’re fantastic, nothing to be nervous about,” Harry had that half smirk on his face that made it feel like his insides were melting. Fantastic. He said he was fantastic. Before he could think too much on it Harry’s hand found his knee. Niall felt short of breath as Harry’s hand moved slightly, rubbing. Niall turned to look at Harry, smirk now turned into a softer, gentler smile.

“You’ve always been amazing, Niall,” his voice almost a whisper. “You know how to entertain and you’re very talented. You never disappoint.” Niall knew there was no hiding the red in his face now.

“Thanks,” was all he could manage to croak out. Niall couldn’t believe that Harry was saying these things. Harry’s given him self-confidence boosts before but nothing like this. And their faces were never as close. Niall could feel Harry’s breath on his face, warm and minty. He swallowed thickly when a large hand came up and gently cupped his face. He instinctively leaned into it. Niall thought his heart was going to beat right through his chest. Being this close to Harry was only ever a fantasy, to actually have it was overwhelming. His eyes fluttered closed as he felt soft lips connect with his. It was short and lasted for only a few seconds. They pulled back and made eye contact before going back in, this time with more force. Niall’s hands found their way to Harry’s hair and Harry’s arms around Niall’s waist. The kiss went from opened mouth to tongues and Niall couldn’t help making the noises in the back of his throat.

Harry pushed his way on top of the blond and Niall let out a gasp as Harry’s hands wandered up his shirt. They jumped as a beeping sound came over the PA system with a voice saying that the boys needed to be by the stage door in ten minutes. Harry crawled off of Niall and sat at the end of the couch, hair messy, face red, lips swollen, breaths heavy. Niall’s can’t say too much guaranteed he was in the same state.

“We should probably clean ourselves up and head out,” Harry said in a low, raspy voice. He wore that same smirk as he offered his hand for Niall to take.

Niall wasn’t nervous as he went on stage. Harry’s presence and interaction made everything seem right. The way he said his name and talked about how proud everyone was of him and how they jigged together. Niall never stopped smiling that night.

—-

Niall blinks a few times before opening his eyes completely. It’s still dark out. It took him a moment to register that the spot next to him is empty.

“Harry?” he tries not to panic when no response comes but there’s that little voice in his head saying he left. No. Harry wouldn’t do that. He said he wouldn’t. Niall quickly shakes the covers off and walks out into the hallway; he follows the light that leads into the living room. It’s empty but he hears muffled sounds coming from downstairs. He makes his way down the stairs that leads to their in home gym, the sounds of heavy breathing and punching getting louder.

He peeks around the door to see Harry with his boxing gloves on beating down on the punching bag. His hair’s pulled back and the sweat’s thick on his forehead. He looks furious. Niall’s seen Harry mad before and it’s never a pretty sight but this is beyond that.

Niall feels it again. That pit of guilt sitting in his stomach. He felt bad for not telling Harry before and now he feels bad that he’s the reason Harry’s so angry. Maybe not at him, but he’s still part of it.

The blond jumps slightly when Harry turns toward him suddenly. The anger gets replaced with tiredness.

Harry takes his gloves off as he strides over to Niall, “Did you have a bad dream? You alright?”

“Um, I dreamt about us, actually,” Niall says in a small voice as he looks down at his bare feet.

Harry doesn’t respond, just nods his head. He hesitantly sets his hands on Niall’s shoulder, probably not sure how far he can take touching. When Niall just raises his head and looks him in the eyes, Harry pulls him forward, wrapping his arms over Niall’s shoulders and holds him close. Niall feels his heart speed up a little but calms down reminding himself it’s just Harry, and wraps his own arms around the taller boy’s middle.

“I told myself I would always protect you. Be there for you when you needed me most, no matter what, and now I just—I’m so sorry I wasn’t,” Harry lets himself cry on Niall shoulders. Niall’s grip tightens and he shakes his head.

“You can’t blame yourself for this. You were right. It is his fault. I’m not gonna blame myself for what he did and you shouldn’t either,” the words are easier said than done. He still did blame himself. Justin had told him the tank top he was wearing turned him on, that it showed off his body and he just couldn’t help himself.

Niall and Harry head back upstairs and Niall waits in bed for Harry to finish his shower. The future scares him. Making sure the other boys didn’t find out. Being able to pull himself together for the American leg of the tour. He goes back to Mullingar in two days to visit his friends and family and he’s not too sure how well things are going to go. He almost considers cancelling the whole trip, just staying here with Harry while he tries to sort himself out. Niall knows that won’t happen though.

A soft mist follows Harry out as he walks out of the bathroom, T-shirt and sweats already on. Probably figured Niall doesn’t want to see anyone naked at this time.

When he crawls into bed he doesn’t wrap his arms around Niall like he normally would. Instead he just faces Niall with his hands curled underneath his pillow. Niall can smell his shampoo, conditioner, and body wash and he finds himself scooting a bit closer to the familiarity of the scent. Their noses are almost touching and even in the dark Niall can see Harry’s eyes looking into his. Harry moves the hand that his head isn’t resting on and holds it out. Niall takes queue and slots their fingers together then brings it down to the sheets.

“I love you,” Harry whispers.

“I love you, too. Goodnight.”

“Night.”

—-

Summer’s been flying by for Niall. The American part of the tour took his mind off of the previous events, and even going back to Mullingar wasn’t as mentally crippling as he thought it was going to be. He wasn’t as happy and didn’t go out as he normally would have, but the people around him chalked it up to being exhausted from the tour and what was to come.

Over the past couple months, through Harry’s suggestion, Niall’s taken to talking to a therapist over Skype. The sessions would take place in their hotel bedroom early morning once a week. Some days were easier to talk, others Harry was right by his side with a box of tissues. Niall does genuinely feel he’s in a better place than he has been in a long time. His nightmares aren’t as frequent and he and Harry have started getting intimate again. Only kissing and hands over clothed skin, but Niall figures it’s better than nothing. He knows their lack of sex life has been having an effect on Harry. He’s caught him jerking off in the shower multiple times, and really, Niall shouldn’t be surprised, but he feels a bit bad. Harry shouldn’t have to take care of himself, and Niall’s tried but when he reaches for the brunets zipper his hands are shaking so bad he can’t even grip it properly. But when Harry holds his hands and removes them he never looks mad or frustrated, just concerned, then holds him until his breathing has calmed downed.

They tell the other boys that Niall and Justin had a falling out. They don’t follow him on Twitter, they’ve deleted his music, and even blocked his number. And why anytime one of his songs comes on the radio Harry’s quick to turn it off. They don’t know that it’s because Niall’s too frozen to do it himself.

Zayn seems the most confused having hung out with him and Niall in LA last year and even kept in touch. Liam offers a sincere “I’m sorry”, which Niall thinks 'I’m not', and a barely audible “good riddance” from under Louis’ breath. Out of all the boys Louis liked Justin the least. They had been in a heated argument once over their friendship and Louis had blurted out that Justin didn’t really care for him; he just hangs out with him because he’s Niall Horan from One Direction. It had really upset him at the time, even cried over it, but as time went on, and even after Louis apologized, he started to believe it himself. People told him he was a different person around Justin. Like he was trying to act a certain way just to receive Justin’s Seal of Approval. Niall could see now that not being friends anymore was for the best. He just wishes he would have realized it sooner.

—-

They’re in LA doing their last couple of shows in America and Niall wants to throw up. He hasn’t seen Justin since what happened, and in two days they’re going to be in the same room for the Teen Choice Awards. They’ve been doing rehearsals and Niall’s a little paranoid that Justin’s going to walk through the door at any moment. He knows he shouldn’t be. He’s surrounded by numerous amounts of people setting up the stage, talking on phones, the other boys, Harry, and even his bodyguards.

He can finally breathe again when he gets back to the hotel. He throws himself onto the bed lying on his stomach with his arms out and feet hanging off the side. As much as Niall loves Harry and the other boys it’s nice to have time to himself and just lay on the soft hotel sheets with the only sounds coming from the traffic below. Niall starts to drift off a little when he hears a knock at his door. With a soft groan he lifts himself and answers the door to find Zayn on the other side.

“Hey. Can I come in?” Zayn asks.

“Yeah, man,” Niall says as he steps aside. He thought everyone had gone out to do some sightseeing, Niall opting to stay behind and rest.

Zayn gets on the bed and rests against the head board. Niall gets on as well and instead sits cross legged in front of the boy.

Zayn starts speaking, “I haven’t said anything because it’s none of my business, but I can’t really quit thinking about it,” he raises his hand to scratch behind his neck, “What happened between you and Justin? Like you guys seemed really tight and I know how much you liked him.”

Niall can feel that tightness in his throat that happens when he’s about to cry. He only ever talks about this with Dr. Holland and even Harry never brings it up. He pulls up the collar of his tank top over his eyes and holds it there, gathering the small amount of tears forming. He feels Zayn’s movement on the bed and a hand gripping his, gently removing them from his face. Niall keeps his head bowed. Now’s not the time to tell him the truth. They had the TCA’s and the rest of the tour and he didn’t want to fuck things up.

“He just wasn’t who I thought he was. A lot of people warned me but I didn’t listen. Now I just don’t want him in my life anymore,” It was the truth, just not the entire one.

“Did he say something to—”

“Zayn, we’re just not friends anymore.” Niall looks up at Zayn. He didn’t want to sound rude but asking questions was how Harry found it. “Okay?”

Zayn looks a bit taken back with Niall sounding so stern. Niall never had a problem talking before and told Zayn just about everything. But not this. Not now.

“Okay,” Zayn says shaking his head lightly. “Should I just ask Justin then?”

“No! Don’t talk to him!” Niall’s off the bed and standing over Zayn, “you can’t talk to him!”

Zayn’s on his feet now too, “What the hell, Niall? You’re both my friends and you’re not talking to each other anymore, I’m worried! You’re crying for God’s sake!”

Niall’s uses his collar again to wipe his tears, “I just can’t tell you, okay? It’s nothing against you I just can’t tell you. And you can’t go to him. Really, it’s just best not to talk to him at all.”

“Does Harry know?” he almost sounds bitter.

“Why’d you say it like that?” As far as Niall was concerned this wasn’t some contest.

“You can tell Harry what happened, but not us? We’re your mates, too, Niall,” Zayn’s voice softens on the last sentence.

“We’re dating! There’re a lot things I haven’t told you that only Harry knows. I’m sure it’s the same with you and Perrie.”

“Well it’s hard to watch you be so upset over this. And, yeah, you and Harry are together, but we don’t see why you’re hiding what happened,” Zayn’s tone isn’t raised anymore but Niall’s still determined to get the conversation to drop.

“’We’ as in you, Liam, and Louis?” Zayn nods. “Look, you guys are my best mates, and I love you guys so much, but you need to just take my word for it when I say that I can’t tell you. Please?” There’s desperation dripping in Niall’s voice and Zayn looks like he’s finally going to let it go.

They both turn when they hear the sound of the electronic lock and Harry walks through the door. He looks surprised to see Zayn standing there and Niall with teary eyes.

“What’s going on?” Harry asks; a little edge to his voice. He’s been more protective of Niall over the past couple months, making sure he was available if Niall needed him and that he wasn’t alone as often, which Niall was so grateful for. He thought maybe Harry’d get sick of him by now, but every day he wakes up and Harry’s right there with him, sometimes his lemon ginger tea in hand. There are other times he just wants some normalcy in his life where Harry doesn’t have to walk on egg shells, but on worse days where he’s suddenly back _there_ Harry’s the first person he reaches for.

Zayn glances at Niall then starts walking to the door, “Nothing,” he says as he passes Harry, shutting the door behind him.

“What was that about? Are you alright?” Harry’s the one in front of him now, hands on his shoulders with his thumb rubbing small circles.

“He asked about Justin and I wouldn’t tell him so he got upset,” Niall says.

Harry scoffed, “That’s none of his concern.”

“That’s what I said. And he doesn’t think it’s a big deal so he kept pushing it,” Niall inhales deeply then exhales, “like, I want them to know, but I don’t.”

Harry kisses him on the cheek before pulling him into a hug. Niall loves the way their bodies fit together. Harry’s longer torso fitting just right with Niall’s slightly shorter one.

Harry walks them over to the bed only loosening his arms around Niall’s waist enough for them to sit on the edge, “You tell them when you want to tell them. If you never want to, then don’t. I know I sound a bit hypocritical, but don’t let anyone pry it out of you.”

“Hypocrite,” Niall says with a small smile. Harry breaks into a smile as well. These are the little moments that Niall lives for. When he and Harry can actually laugh and smile. These moments were few and far between at first but now they’re becoming more frequent.

The mood turns lighter and Harry and Niall spend the rest of the night laughing at stupid American game shows and cheering for themselves when they answer a question correctly. Going to bed turns more into giggling and poking each other for ten minutes until they finally wind down with their arms around each other.

And Niall thinks that maybe things are going back to normal.

—-

It’s the day of the Teen Choice Awards and LA’s hot and the heat’s dry and the five of them are wearing way too many layers for this kind of weather. Thankfully the van they were taking had AC in it, but now that they’re on the red carpet they can’t help but pull at their collars. With the natural heat combined with the body heat of all the fans and hundreds of who’s who walking around they could feel the sweat dripping down their backs. Niall can’t remember an event being this hot. The Brits were absolutely freezing and the wind was awful, but he would take that over this any day.

Of course he smiles, takes pictures, and signs autographs, but he can’t wait to get inside. Once he’s in him and the others let out a collective sigh of relief as they find their way into the air conditioned hallways.

Niall feels air on his neck and turns around to find Harry holding a tiny personal fan.

“They’re handing them out,” he says as he hands Niall one and holds up his own.

“Oh, thank you! Much needed,” he nudges Harry’s side with his knuckles as a thanks. One thing that Niall can’t stand is not being able to show his affections towards Harry. Management does know about the two of them, they weren’t the happiest but they didn’t oppose either. Ultimately it was Niall and Harry’s decision if they wanted to say something. They chose not to, wanting it to be just the two of them and the people in their personal lives. The second they come out everyone would be in their face and asking personal questions that would make them squirm, so to them the best option was to keep mum about it.

“Oi, lads! We’re going this way!” Paul calls out to them from down the corridor.

They stop and chat with the Jonas Brothers and Niall talks to Demi Lovato on the side. She asks him if there’s anyone special in his life and he might have glanced at Harry a bit too long, who’s now talking to Ed Sheeran, because she follows his gaze. She turns back with a smile on her face and Niall feels his cheeks heat up. Niall gets called to start moving again and she tells him his secrets safe as they hug goodbye. He gives a small thanks as he walks away. He attempts to catch up to the boys who got quite a head of him when he bumps into a hard body.

“Oh, sorry, I-” the words get caught in Niall’s throat. His chest tightens, his palms get sweaty, and he feels himself getting dizzy.

It’s Justin. The person who caused him so much fear is standing right in front of him. He hasn’t seen or spoken to him since that moment and he didn’t plan to. Niall knows he has to keep himself together considering where he is but he doesn’t know how long he can last.

He needs Harry. Where’s Harry?

“Niall! Long time no see, buddy! How ya been?” Niall stares in a daze. How could he so easily act like he didn’t do anything? Niall doesn’t a give a shit what people see and tries to rush past Justin and his bodyguards. He feels a hand grasp tightly around his bicep and spin him back around.

“We should go talk somewhere, ya know, more private,” his voice is low and everything Niall had been working so hard on, everything he tried to keep under a lid, comes out. He can’t breath. The memories, the pain, the fear, the helplessness, it was all back. Niall wasn’t at the TCA’s anymore. He was in that house, on that couch, being violated and stripped of not only his clothes but his state of mind.

When Niall feels a heavy hand on his shoulder he whips around and throws a punch not thinking of who it could be. He hears a soft grunt and when he focuses his sight he finds the one he hit is Paul. He doesn’t look too hurt by it, but more bewildered and concerned. Niall looks down at his fist, sensing a dull pain going through it. His eyes scan around him and he realizes he’s on the ground now and Justin’s nowhere in sight.

Harry’s by his side as well, “There’s the toilet just over there,” he says as he points towards its general direction. Paul and Harry help him to his feet while Louis’ in front and Liam and Zayn are in the back.

Niall’s cheeks are burning with embarrassment. All eyes are on him, and they’re either staring or staring and whispering and he hates it.

When they get to the bathroom Niall immediately rushes to the biggest stall with Harry in tow. The younger boy locks it behind him and Louis releases a dragged out “Hey!”

“Can we just have a moment, please?” Harry asks with some desperation.

“What the fuck is going on?” Zayn’s not yelling but he’s angry.

“Just give us a minute!” Harry’s never yelled at his band mates like that and Niall looks up from his crouched position in the corner of the stall.

“Harry…” at that Harry takes the couple steps it takes to get to Niall and kneels in front of him. Luckily the stall doors are long and there’s no space below for the others to look down and see them.

Harry’s eyes are glazed over with tears as he grabs Niall’s hands in his, voice low, “Did you see him? Did he try and talk to you?”

“He said he wanted us to talk in ‘private’,” he puts his head on his knees and tries to control his breathing, taking in deep breaths through his nose.

“I wasn’t there. Again. I wasn’t there—”

“Harry we talked about this. You’re not blaming yourself,” he pauses for a few seconds, resting his head against the cool tile walls, “I told myself I could stand up to him. That if we ran into each other I wouldn’t freak. But then it happened…I was just so surprised. I froze.”

“I’m gonna beat the shit out of that bastard for doing this to you,” Harry has a look of fortitude on his face and it startles Niall. Harry’s never been a violent person. He does take boxing but that’s for fitness and to take out any frustrations he may have, not use it against people. Niall doesn’t respond though. He loves him but he knows Harry’s more talk when it comes to that sort of thing.

“Boys, we need to get to our seats,” Paul says.

They stare at each other for a few more seconds before Harry helps him up right onto shaky feet. They both blow their nose and dry their face with some scratchy toilet paper when Harry speaks up, “Are you gonna be alright going out there?”

“I don’t have a choice really.”

Harry shrugs in a ‘yeah, I guess so’ sort of way and they make their way out of the stall. Paul’s the only one waiting for them, the others having gone ahead. They’re the only ones walking down the corridor along with a few other stragglers coming in late.

Before walking through the doors to the actual amphitheater Niall hears Harry whisper to Paul, “Don’t let Justin Bieber anywhere near Niall,” and Paul just nods his head.

When they reach their seats the other boys look discombobulated. Most likely from being shut out of the loop and not informed of what was actually going on.

Niall spots Justin in the section adjacent to them and several rows up. He finds it odd that no one else saw the other boy or mentioned that he was there when Niall had begun crying. He takes a deep breath for the umpteenth time that day and starts repeating the mantra of 'you can do this. You can do this. You can do this' in his head. It helps along with the heat of Harry’s thigh touching his and their forearms on the same armrest.

—-

Well shit.

They won.

Like Everything.

Even Best Song Ever was the best they’ve ever done.

The scene that took place a few hours prior is momentarily forgotten on their adrenaline high from performing and winning. Niall’s certainly reminded, though, when people come up and ask if he’s okay from earlier. He responds with a yeah, and that he just had a little breakdown. Thankfully people are understanding, saying how they went through the same thing and whatnot so Niall’s not completely embarrassed by what happened.

He and Harry are attached at the hip the whole show and even afterwards when they’re doing interviews. They aren’t smashed like at the Brits so they're able to function properly and give a decent interview and thanks.

They’re walking to their next spot when Liam puts his hands on their shoulders and sticks his head in, “Justin’s down there, to the left,” they both look further down the carpet and Harry puts a firm hand on his waist pulling him closer, not caring about what the camera’s might catch, and throws a small thanks at Liam. If there’s one thing Niall really appreciates about Liam right now it’s that he may not know what’s going on but at least he’s trying to help them instead of pestering them about it.

Niall’s view becomes blocked when suddenly Paul’s in his direct line of sight. Keeping his word for Harry. Niall looks to his right, not chancing getting a look at Justin. He looks up when he hears Harry murmur that he’s past them and gone.

Niall hates this. Hates that he can’t be anywhere without looking over his shoulder every two seconds. Hates that the others are upset and confused for being shut out. Hates that Harry feels like he has to be with Niall every second of the day and if he’s not, and something happens, it’s his fault. Hates that he can’t touch Harry the way he used to without having a panic attack. He and Harry were happy. There weren’t tears or nightmares, just laughs and pleasure. They just had one of the best moments of their lives, their fans showing them how truly dedicated they were, and now that him and the boys are coming down from their high it’s like they’re falling back into old routines. Niall and Zayn haven’t made up since they’re argument in the hotel a few days back, Louis’ been catching on, and Niall’s pretty sure Liam’s sick of being the middle man between them.

They hadn’t planned on going to the after party, but in the end Niall declares that they’re all going. That they are going to go out and be their old selves and have fun. He’s sick of mopping around and he wants to end all of the tension between them. The just won a shit ton of awards and Niall will be damned if they don’t celebrate.

Zayn, Louis, and Liam are absolutely pissed, while Harry and Niall are on the decent side of moderately buzzed, Niall more so. They jump up and down and dance horribly and have a good laugh that’s been long overdue. Since no cameras or paps are allowed back here Niall and Harry hold each other freely and slow dance with their arms around each other. Maybe it’s the alcohol along with the day's events and the way Harry’s holding him mixed together, but Niall’s feeling brave all of a sudden. There’s a twist of nervousness and excitement in his stomach when he puts his mouth to Harry’s ear.

“We should get outta here. Go back to the hotel. Just the two of us.”

Harry pulls back with raised eyebrows, “Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

—-

The car ride back is silent. They sit in the back together, shoulders touching and hands intertwined. Their heads are laid back over the seat and are facing each other with nothing but fond looks. Harry would occasionally bring up Niall’s hands and kiss the back of them and Niall would lean over and connect their lips in a soft lingering kiss.

When they make it back to the hotel room they remove their jackets and shoes and socks and other unnecessary layers until they're in just their trousers and shirts. Niall’s back’s to the foot of the bed and Harry stands in front of him. He waits a few beats before dipping down and catching Niall’s lips in a firm kiss and wrapping his arms around Niall’s slim waist.

Harry hoists Niall up and gets onto the bed, walking up it on his knees, before softly laying Niall down just below the pillows. Their kisses get more heated and their hands clench harder around fabric as they roam the other's bodies. Harry can’t help but grind down when Niall wraps his legs around his waist and pulls him closer. They groan into each others mouth in unison from the friction.

Harry looks down at Niall as he plays with the hem of Niall’s shirt, asking for permission.

“Take it off,” and Harry happily obliges, pulling it over Niall’s head in a rush before going back to Niall’s mouth and flinging the material into some corner of the room.

Harry’s hands feel their way up his chest and Niall’s breath hitches. He has to keep telling himself that he’s with Harry, that Harry’s soft, sweet, and loving and would never hurt him.

When Harry gets on his haunches he shucks off his own shirt. Niall pushes onto his elbows and lets his eyes rake up the lean body in front of him. Fuck. He’s missed this so much. The feeling of wanting and being wanted so passionately. He pushes up more so his face is level with Harry’s stomach. He drops soft kisses around the area and down to the “Might as well…” tattoo then back up to dip the tip his tongue into Harry’s navel. Harry lets out a soft gasp and Niall smirks up at him. The corners of his own lips turn up as he softly pushes Niall onto his back again.

Harry silently asks for permission again when he gets to Niall’s belt, in which he nods his head fervently. Once they’re both down to just their pants they cling to each other tighter than before. With their arms around each others' neck and back, they roll around on the bed, taking in every inch of skin they’ve felt deprived of. They mark necks, collar bones, and chests not caring who sees the next day.

They end up in their original position with Harry on top of Niall, both of them out of breath, sweat dripping over their skin.

In one swift motion Niall pulls down Harry’s pants, releasing his hard member. Harry looks momentarily shocked at Niall’s assertiveness before he pulls them off completely himself. Niall feels his heart beat quicken and starts shaking a bit, not out of fear like he used to, but out of the excitement and relief he feels. Like he finally has his own body back. It’s odd to Niall, that it was the fearful encounter he had that made it so he was able to stand up to himself.

And maybe a couple glasses of alcohol. Except he’s not drunk anymore, he’s with Harry and that’s all that mattered to him.

He lifts his hips as Harry slowly pulls off his Calvin Klein’s, over his bum, down his thighs, and around the curve of his knees. Niall lifts his feet off the bed and Harry rids him of the article of clothing. Niall puts his arms over his head and spreads his legs a little, knowing how Harry likes when he puts himself on display, if said boys’ quickened breath is no indication.

Harry’s over him again, his fingers linking firmly with Niall’s and squeezing them as their lips move together. He takes Niall’s hands and moves them so they’re around his neck. He moves his own so they’re just below Niall’s shoulder blades, keeping him close and their chests pressed together. They both sigh when they feel their members brush against each other.

Niall can’t help himself when he starts panting as Harry’s hand makes its way down, knowing what’s coming. He lets out a moan as Harry starts working him, his arms still around Harry’s neck holding him tight. Niall’s unabashed with the sounds he’s making. He’s so sensitive to every stroke and wants Harry to know just how much he enjoys being with him again.

Niall feels Harry remove his thumb and replace it with his own slick shaft, sliding them together. They simultaneously groan into each other’s ears and Harry starts moving his hand for the both of them. They both get into a rhythm with each other, Niall instinctively pushing his hips into the upstroke, and Harry pushing down.

Nothing else matters to Niall in this moment. Everything else is shut out of his mind and all he cares about is Harry and the feeling between the two of them. It's absolutely euphoric. They only thing that could really compare was their first time, though Harry wasn’t inside him now, Niall thinks this might be better.

Niall moans at every sensation that washes over him. The feeling on his dick, the strong arm holding him tight, Harry moaning, groaning, and sighing Niall’s name into his ear. He gives it right back to him, letting Harry know just how good he feels.

Niall starts to feel the familiar coil in his stomach and he pulls his head back, arching off the bed, “Harry, Harry, I’m gonna come,” and at that Harry starts moving his hand faster. Harry adjusts so his hand’s besides Niall’s head giving him leverage. They’re moans are getting louder as they reach their climax and Niall throws his head back into the mattress one last time with a moan before releasing onto him and Harry, the younger boys’ name on his lips. Harry’s not too far behind and comes onto both their stomachs.

Once they’ve both come down and caught their breaths Niall leans over and kisses Harry slowly and lengthy.

“Wanna clean up?” Harry asks once they break apart.

“Yeah. Race ya,” and Niall rushes off the bed and into the bathroom.

“Hey, that’s cheating,” Harry calls with a smile as he takes his time getting off the bed and walking to the bathroom.

After washing the cum, sweat, heat, and smog of LA down the drain, they snuggle under the covers with Niall’s face buried in Harry’s chest. It doesn’t take long for Harry’s heart beat to lull him to sleep.

—-

Niall wakes in the middle of the night to being shaken. He opens his eyes to find Harry fully clothed in front of him.

“Ed wanted to go out for some late night pizza, so I just wanted to let you know,” he says in a hushed voice. “That alright with you?”

Niall looks at the digital clock that reads 2:00AM. Good God. “Yeah, yeah of course. Just bring some back,” Niall says with a yawn and pulls the covers back over his head. He hears Harry chuckle softly and then the covers are being pulled back. They give each other a few pecks on the lips goodbye.

“Sweet dreams, babe,” Harry says as he gets off the bed.

“Be safe,” replies Niall as he hears the door open.

“Will do,” and the door closes.

—-

Niall’s woken up for a second time except it’s to a consistent pounding on his door. He looks at the clock again to see it now read 9:35AM.

“Okay, stop! I’m coming. Christ…” the knocking stops thank God and Niall remembers to grab some sweats and a tank on his way. He hears the shower going and thinks that Harry’s back and must be getting ready for the day.

When he opens the door he’s not expecting Zayn, Liam, and Louis to come barreling in and he jumps back in surprise.

“What the fuck? What’s going on?”

“Have you heard?” Louis rushes out.

“I just woke up. Heard what?” Niall looks between the three of them.

“About Justin!” Liam says.

Niall purses his lips together, “What about him?”

“He’s in the hospital,” Zayn finishes.

Hospital?

“What for?” Niall may not care about Justin anymore but this definitely has his attention.

“We don’t know all the details,” Zayn speaks up and glances at Louis and Liam, “but I was texting one of his friends and they said Justin said he got mugged last night.”

“Like after the show?”

“Like early morning, I think,” Zayn continues. “Said he got a concussion, split lip, cracked rib, really fucked ‘em up.”

“Someone really beat the shit out of him,” Louis says.

_Beat the shit out of him._

Fuck.

No, he wouldn’t-

But he said he would-

He even went out last night-

Fuck.

“Niall!” Niall's brought back to reality with Liam calling his name. “We know you and Justin had a…severe falling out, but we thought we’d let you know.”

“Yeah, no, uh, thanks for letting me know,” he tries not to show the trembling in his voice but has a hard time considering he might know what really happened. “Um, I’m just gonna wait for Harry to get finished, get ready myself, then I’ll meet you down there, yeah?”

The other three don’t even look surprised anymore, like Niall acting odd is becoming the norm.

“See you down there then,” Zayn says and they each walk by with a small smile and a pat on the back, Louis poking one of the marks on his neck on the way out. Niall swats the hand away forcing a small laugh.

Once the door’s shut Niall takes long strides to bathroom. The shower’s off now and he can hear small movement inside. He wonders if Harry heard any of the conversation. They weren’t exactly quite about it.

“Harry?” he calls through the door.

“Yeah?”

“Could you come out here for a sec?”

There’s a pause and then a small “yeah”.

Niall’s nervous as he hears the doorknob jiggle and then finally open. He lets out a gasp and puts his hand over his mouth at the sight of Harry.

He has two black eyes, the left worse than the right, a cut on his left eyebrow and cheek, a bruised jawline, and multiple cuts on his lips. Niall drags his eyes down Harry’s bare torso to see multiple scrapes and bruises on his chest, stomach, and sides. That’s when he sees Harry’s right hand. Niall reaches out for it and examines the swollen and split knuckles. Niall lets it go, shaking his head in disbelief, eyes wide.

“I can’t-I can’t…oh my God. Harry, you-you could get in so much trouble for this!” the image of Harry getting arrested and sent to jail made him put his face in is hands. He didn’t want Harry to be taken away from him. Not for something like this. He takes his hands off when Harry speaks up.

“Niall. He’s not gonna say anything. I made sure of that,” there’s a dark, threatening tone to his voice that Niall’s never heard before and it matches with the look on his face as well.

Harry turns to go back into the bathroom and Niall sees more bruising on his back and notices that he may even a have a slight limp.

“I can’t believe you did this,” he finally says the words that have been going through his head.

“I told you I was gonna beat the shit out of him,” Harry replies like it was obvious.

—-

It takes longer than usual for Niall to get ready that morning, still in shock from his earlier discovery. He has a hard time wrapping his head around the fact that Harry caused harm to someone. Harry never said anything but Niall always assumed he was some sort of pacifist.

Niall doesn’t know how Harry’s going to hide his wounds from the other boys, or if he’s going to at all. Harry’s been almost indifferent to the situation. Like he didn’t just put someone in the hospital with his bare hands.

Just when Niall thinks things are going back to normal, Harry’s the one who decides to lose his mind.

Niall finishes in the bathroom and as they’re heading out Harry holds out his none-wounded left hand. He takes it and Harry gives him that same soft smile he always has just for him and he gives his right back.

Niall’s not too sure what normal is anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> This is posted on my tumblr as well but decided to get an AO3 account and post stuff here too. I also edited it some from the original to make things flow better and to correct grammar, spelling, typo's, etc. Comments and constructive criticism are always welcome :)


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